Every single time I looked into your eyes I knew that I would never not feel loved. I could be perfectly normal with you. You never expected anything from me and I didn’t expect anything from you either. I knew that no one else could make me feel as good as you do.
When I would tell you about my past, you empathized with me and told me everything would get better. I let you read me like a book. A book filled with all the evil demons and beasts from every single fantasy. Each chapter was more depressing than the last. You still stood by me and you touched me in a way that made all my flaws feel like perfections.
We could talk for hours. I told you everything my mind knew about this disastrous life. You made me feel like even in the bloodiest moments of this war within my chaotic mind, I had a safe haven based on the assurance that I was never alone because our love kept us together.
In the loneliest hours, I’d hold you close to me. I’d make you feel like you owned the universe when you felt like you were a wounded warrior who lost in the war, bringing shame to his people, I was always with you when you felt the world was unleashing all of its burdens on your shoulders. I shielded you from every single blow that was thrown in your direction.
I never knew that every single time you looked into my eyes, you didn’t see what I would see. I saw a beautiful life that could only be perfect if you were by my side. But you, you saw a toy. A heart that only knew how to love blindly. You corrupted it to feel pain and loneliness. To only feel an ache of what would have been but never was.
I never knew that every single time I would tell you about my flaws, you would only find a weapon to use against me. You would manipulate and torment me emotionally because you knew I loved you too much to even consider leaving you.
I never knew that every single time I called you on the phone and we’d talk for hours, you were busy telling other girls how much you need them. Telling them that I was too clingy and dependent on you and that if you left me, I would never get over you. You made me look like the only emotion I deserved was pity.
I never knew that every single time I was with you in your darkest moments, I turned you into more than you thought you were. I was sacrificing every inch of my being to build your ego. The same ego that made you go after six other girls just like me, making us all feel the exact same way.
How is that you can reveal the darkest part of your soul to me and still break my heart so callously? I gave you the universe but it still wasn’t good enough.
The most painful part of this whole scenario is that I’ve been here before. My heart being shattered to the point I never knew I could feel ever again. The devastating ache of disappointment, regret, self-loathe and worthlessness, until you came into the picture… Those deep eyes that I could stare at until my soul drowned in the ecstasy of your love. I should have been able to read between the lines early enough. But I really can’t blame myself entirely because the human heart is naïve in comparison to the mind. I thought you were different.